Bitch Goddess

Quotes from Autumn in New York

Seriously. There isn't a lie in the whole world I'd rather hear than the truth.

"Lord, I do fear
Thou'st made the world too beautiful this year!
My soul is all but out of me, -- let fall
No burning leaf; prithee, let no bird call!"

"Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time
In slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie."

"Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul."

"Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility."            
We passed the school where children played
At wrestling in a ring;
We passed the fields of grazing grain,
We passed the setting sun."

"Look, if she were just fun... just some sort of diversion... maybe I could justify it. But the worst part is that it's becoming more.  Much more.  It's embarrassing how much I like her.  She gets to me.  She affects me...And she's gonna be gone and... I'm not sure I can... I mean... I already think about her all the time...Her smile kills me... and the thought... that it'll be gone...forever... that I'll never see her again... I don't how... I can't -- I don't think I'm that strong, Johnny.  It's too much.  I'd rather have it be over... over now.  I'll start missing her now."

"It's not! It's adult! It's revenge!  And if you think it's bad not knowing what I did -- well, it's even worse knowing exactly what you did!"

"It may be, when my heart is dull,
Having attained its girth,
I shall not find so beautiful
The meagre shapes of earth,
Nor linger in the rain to mark
The small of tansy through the dark."

"Now I know why you hurt so many women.  Because you always knew if you held    on to one of them, you'd never let go."

"When we met, I was so lonely.  But I didn't even know it. I'd been alone so long.. almost forever..."

"Time cannot break the bird's wing
from the bird. Bird and wing together
Go down, one feather.  No thing that
ever flew, not the lark, not you,
Can die as others do."

Ode to the Stew

I was just blog hopping and came across my Fab Friend Owen's blog...to quote:

Everyone, will let you soon where I've moved.

Thanks, blogdrive for opening my eyes to the beauty of blogging. It's time I move on to swankier grounds.

This is my Ode to the Stew...

• I would always read your blog before reading anyone else's, it never fails to lighten my mood. 

• I always get amazed by how you write, where do you get the words?  How do you make it seem so easy?  Should I hate you? :)  Then I realize, it's in you...you're a WRITER...hear that Fab?  YOU ARE A FREAKIN' FAB WRITER!

• If I needed to know what's new...it's there.

• Today, I read your blog...from the last page to the first one...brought back memories, everything that's good, even the bad ones - they look good!  Geez!

• We were made witness to how you evolved...the rantings and ravings, the close calls, the late nights, the booze, the kwentuhans, the okrayan, the birth of the DOABLES, the rise from being an agent, QA to trainer to a celebrity (ok, I'm biased).

• I realized how much we've been through...all of us...and we are still here...

I will be looking forward to the new blog Fab...please don't make us wait long...

I LOVE YOU :)

Kikay Stuff...

• I don’t use soap, I get itchy when I do – so I use body bath instead.  I don’t like anything with any strong smell, I love Spring Orchid from the Body Shop, Johnson’s Baby Bath and anything with lavender scent.
  

• I don’t use lotion but body butter.  I love Body Butter from the Body Shop especially Olive or Shea.  I was able to get something from a bazaar…it’s Olive but it’s better than the one in The Body Shop and cheaper!
  

• I claimed Angel by Thierry Muggler as my signature perfume….
  

• I try to get a massage once a week, it calms me.  I use massage oil that’s lavender based, I also got it from a bazaar.
  

• I get a foot spa, pedicure and manicure every week…
  

• I take a shower at the most, five times a day…
  

• I don’t use a lot of make-up, if I’m not feeling good…I’d put on mascara and blush on but that’s it…thing is…if you’re not feeling well, might as well look good!

Topak...

Kahapon at nung isang araw...tinopak ako.  Basta lang, tinopak ako.  Hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit...hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang dahilan, bigla na lang, gusto ko magkulong ng kwarto at wag kumausap kahit kanino...gusto ko lang mag-isa at basta lang gusto ko tahimik, tahimik...TAHIMIK!

Ayaw tumigil ng utak ko...sobrang nag-iisip ng kung ano-ano.  Mga bagay na dapat kong tanggapin, mga bagay na ganun na talaga at ang pinakamalupit...mga bagay na nagbibigay takot sa akin.  Takot na wala yatang puedeng tumulong...

Ilang beses ako sumubok na tumawag ng kaibigan.  Isang bratinela at tatlong bugoy, ilang beses ako sumubok na tumawag, mag-text...walang sumagot.  Gusto kong sumigaw, magwala kaso lang...may topak nga ako di ba?  Kaya ayun...pinili ko na lang na tumahimik.

Bakit ba kasi ganun?  Alam ko ang lakas ng utak ko...malakas ako mag-isip.  Pero ngayon, gusto ko lang na tumahimik yung utak ko...wag lang siya umandar...tahimik, tahimik TAHIMIK!

Di bale, wala na akong topak ngayon...nakakatawa na ako ulit...nakakangiti.  Para sa iyo na hindi sumuko...na nandun lang at PINILIT na kausapin ako at pasayahin...SALAMAT...sana sa susunod na topak ko, andyan ka ulit.

Nabubuwang sa Isang Buwan....

Eto, isang buwan na…nakakabuwang

Wag nyo masamain

Hindi naman kabaliwan...

May kasayahan itong pagkabuwang...

Isang buwan mula ng mag-umpisa

Na tumingkad ang bawat kulay na nakikita...

Isang buwan mula ng gumanda…

Ang lahat ng bagay na nasisilayan…

Hindi ko nga alam kung paano nagkaganito

Ang alam ko lang…masaya ako…

Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari...

Sa isang iglap...isang sulyap...nakumpleto...

Isang buwan, pero hindi pa tapos...

Ilang buwan pa ba ang dadating…

Ilang taon ang bubunuin…

Ilan man yun ito lang ang masasabi ko….

Halika na Mahal ko…magpakabuwang tayo…

What's the Measure of Love

The normal answer would be, Love cannot be measured…it’s just there, you know it, you feel it, in some cases – you can see it.

I went to the emergency room of Medical City this morning. I’ve been feeling sick lately and I’ve been having fever – on and off….so, I decided to finally get a check up for me to know what’s wrong with me.

The love of my life insisted to go with me. Take note, he doesn’t like needles – hates them actually. He doesn’t like the sight of blood…but he was there with me. He held my hand when they were getting blood from me eventhough he’s scared. I’m used to giving blood, I’m not used to having someone there, holding my hand, touching my hair…it was a new experience.

THAT…that experience can’t be measured…the mere fact that he was there, that, can’t be measured. I thought I loved him enough…apparently not…what happened this morning made me realize that there is still so much more to love…so much more…and I am looking forward to discovering it.

ARGH!

When did we get so spoiled as to forget our responsibilities?

Where are all the GREAT agents!  Makes me want to go back to when I was an agent and people around me knows their responsibilities...when they complain, you know that they have the RIGHT to complain...so to all my former colleagues in PeopleSupport and Sitel...to all the GREAT agents who got promoted...

MABUHAY TAYONG LAHAT and HAPPY FIESTA!

Running Away.....

I’ve been too independent most of my life.  I am not used to asking anyone for help.  This is how I am and this is how I’m going to be.  I’ve said time and time again, “I will never need anyone” this was brought on by a lot of experiences.  A lot of pain I’ve gone through.  I’m never the type to turn my back and run away but recently, I feel as if I’m in the verge of doing just that….running away.

I guess it’s a matter of finding myself in a situation that I am not familiar with.  I’ve fallen in love….something that I have not done for the longest time, come to think of it.  This has never happened before.  The feeling is too strong…as I’ve written before, he’s the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person on my mind before I sleep.  It’s a constant thing, it’s not only a matter of thinking of him when he’s not around…it’s like he’s inside my head…all the time.  Is it scary?  Kinda’ it’s like my privacy is gone…all because of this wonderful, wonderful person. 

I guess it also has something to do with the way he looks at me.  As I’ve said, it’s like his whole world revolves around me…yikes!  He said so himself, “hindi ko na kaya na wala ka” OMG!  To quote one of my Team Leaders – What’s the meaning!

I have mixed feelings, scared, confused, weary, nervous but at the same time, I feel cared for, warm, giddy and loved.  What could be better than that feeling of being loved.  Is it something that I need to run away from?  Am I just being neurotic as usual. 

Back in college, I will not allow myself to be really happy…I guess all my life I never allowed myself to be happy.  I’d always think, if I’m happy at one given time then the next moment I am bound to feel miserable.  Yeah, I was a girly-girl then….but then, things changed.  I changed….I became a woman and not just a typical woman…a strong one.  The kind that intimidates men.  The kind who can make people bleed (that’s a direct quote from my Hunny).

I know that most things happen when you least expect it.  And yeah, this happened without me expecting it.  Me, who’s always ready for anything – I found myself in unfamiliar territory.  Cause for panic?  Maybe…should I be running around and screaming…maybe, but somehow, when I feel like doing that, he’ll text out of nowhere, or he’ll call just to say “I love you” in that lovely tone of voice that tells me everything will be alright.

Geez…talk about a roller coaster ride…it’s exactly how I’m feeling….up, down, up, down – don’t get me wrong…I’m just blabbing because, as I’ve said…unfamiliar territory…I don’t have a plan – OC as I am…I don’t have everything in place.  I take this in stride…little by little – bit by bit.  I’m enjoying the ride…who wouldn’t with the companion that I have?

Maybe I’ve broken too many hearts, maybe I ran away before I can even feel in the past…but this time…I’m staying.  I’ll stay put…so, Hun, try to run away from that!  I’ll stick to you like glue J

The Way You Look at Me....

You look at me a certain way…

My whole world stops…

It’s as if, there’s no one else around…

But you and me…

Why does it seem like…

I never really existed…

When you were not around…

I began my life when you loved me…

I’m not in an age…

When love letters and flowers count…

When saying I love you...

Send shivers down my spine…

I’ve seen a lot of things…

Some would have broken me…

If I was weak…

I’m strong, I know…

But when you look at me…

My knees go weak…

My whole body tingles…

I feel warm all over…

I can’t top the way you look at me…

I don’t know if I’m worthy…

You look at me…

As if your whole world revolves around me…

Tell me love, am I worthy?

Song for the Moment

Everything - Lifehouse

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?